Thursday, November 7, 2013

Faith Jam - How is God Moving Me To Express My Heart...?

It's so good to see Bonnie Gray back online and blogging again... serving up steamy mugs of coffee (make mine herb tea please!) and encouraging hearts with her journey of faith! I'm SO glad she's kicking in with her Faith Jams on Thursdays again, and although I never know what next week brings, I'm game to play as much as I can! YAY!!

The prompt this week is "How is God Moving Me To Express My Heart" - and that's kinda hard for me to answer... I feel like since the move back to Kentucky I haven't really found my feet yet. I'm painting rooms (well, the same room twice, and a wall in the kitchen), unpacking, rearranging, and still haven't found my niche. I've changed my mind over the office, moved a tree around my yard (a poor curly willow that is desperately needing to get out of it's 3 year old pot!) and invited people to my home. 

I still have a feeling, when I first wake up in the mornings, of... "where am I?" 

Now given, since we've moved, I've made several trips, and probably have actually only been here 3 weeks broken up. I'll leave again next week... then be home for a night and travel with Mark on a little work trip he has to make. That's the plan at least... things can always change. 

I LONG to be in "my space" - though I'm not sure where that is yet. I want to feel settled, know where things are, craft and paint. I want to hang photos on the walls and make memories here... I just feel overwhelmed. 

I KNOW that God's called me to write a handbook on Missionary Care... just a freebie online book that anyone will be able to download. I'm still moving forward with this, but feel it's stuck behind all the boxes and "to do" lists that are still in the house. Like I can't write it till everything else is in order... and I'm not sure when that will be... so it's a bit confusing to me. 

Some mornings I feel as if the words are going to spill out of me into a big mess in front of me... like word vomit... and it won't make any sense, and will leave me dehydrated and with a headache! More mornings I feel like I have word constipation... I know I NEED to write, but I just CAN'T. 

Sigh. Sorry for the graphic metaphors...

So, although I'm quite sure that writing is a part of the way God wants me to express my heart, the greater heart need is to get settled. Make this home. Break it in. And that's ok. I trust that He will pour words out of me when the time comes that He wills me to get it all on paper.

Lord, as it is written in Psalm 19, "may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." I pray that I will not "force" my voice, written or spoken, and that I will always respect someone else's voice...and will always remember that they are tools and gifts that You equip us with. 

Father, help us to use our influence carefully. To encourage and build up, not to break down or belittle. To draw others closer to You, not towards sin. To inspire others to greatness, even as I sit at their feet. 

Lord, we want to serve You with our all... our words, our thoughts, our deeds. May You be our Light and our Life. We love You alone. Amen.

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