Writing five minutes flat. Not making corrections, although there will be some...I'm sure. Just writing my heart out on the topic I didn't choose...(can you tell it's begrudgingly??) :)
I'm writing on HERE. Where I am. NOW.
I've been less than thrilled about it. Living in a home that I love being in...it wasn't my choice, but I prayed it would become home, and it has. God's blessed it - opened the doors, cleaned out the garden, and is growing good things in it that reflect more of Him in me...so that's good.
Yet still, in the quiet of my day to day madness, this doesn't feel like I'm belonging HERE at all. I want to be in a place that friends stop by when they are in the neighborhood. A place where phone calls or text messages let me know that they're thinking of me and how can they pray. To know that I run into familiar faces in familiar places - like the neighborhood yard sale. To bump into people I love (that love me equally) in the market.
But HERE it's different. Our small group is good - but it's not kindred spirits, and I don't know that it will all grow to be that way.
Church is great. But as big as it is, and as small as our small groups are. And as immersed in doing what God's led me here to do, it still doesn't feel like "home".
My heart is divided. Honestly. I still long to be back in KY - back where the grass didn't look brown, and the neighbors waved hello as I walked down the road, and the river rose and fell with the rains. There were the sun set up on the ridge over the golf course at the end of my street... (END)