When I was little I always wanted to be a part of something bigger. The neighborhood kids playing ANYTHING on the street. The clubs at school. The arts and crafts group over the summer. I just wanted to BELONG to something, because I never felt I belonged at home.
It wasn't until getting into all sorts of bad groups, that i realized that the longing was deeper than a group of people that i wanted to belong to. Even after marriage it was sometimes really lonely, especially with my husband traveling and times i was home with 3 kids under 3 (or within 3 years) and no adult voices to pat me on the back and say it's ok. you're doing a good job.
a few years ago i began to ask God to help be content with the alone-ness. and He showed my my greater desire to "join" in community. i needed assurances that I belonged to Him. I mattered there, and that's all that mattered.
now I LOVE fellowship- don't get me wrong, but it's frosting on the cake. my community is a body of Christ- adn I love them/it - but it's in the quiet that I feel more JOINED in - with Him. Unconditionally. I have HIS words of affirmation and correction. His love. His patience to draw deep from. and I'm never alone.
I'm so grateful that i didn't waste (um..not right word)...