Skip to main content

On Permission to be Loved...

Bonnie, over at the Faith Barista Blog, is focusing on "love" this month...and this week is writing on the topic of giving permission to be loved...something dear to my heart.

See, in my early years, before knowing who Jesus was, or that He loved me, or what church was all about, I knew the need to be loved. I don't know if it was genes, or homelife, or a rough childhood with inappropriate relationships (not sought out...too young of me to have thought of that), I knew I needed love...that I craved it...needed it.

Without going into a lot of detail right now, I grew up lonely. I remember sitting alone, rocking myself, bumping my head up against a wall. I remember rocking, curled up in a recliner, I remember wishing that I knew that someone cared. It makes me sad, and sick, to remember these things and to think that no one knew something was wrong...but that's another topic.

SO, for whatever reason, I was always wanting this unconditional love. I knew "conditional" - it was what happened in my everyday life. It should have come from my mom, but for whatever reason it didn't (she died when I was pre-teen from cancer), and I wanted it from my dad - but never felt it was the right kind of love, and tried to fill other things, people, places, in that gap. Nothing fit. It was a round whole and all I had was square pegs.

It wasn't until my LATE teen years, that in a desperate moment I cried out..."IF there is a God, you have to reveal yourself to me...cause I can't live like this any more...".  Then HE met me there, wrapped His arms around me, and held me.

Although it took me a few more years to see Him at work around me, find the right church, get plugged in, it happened. I was baptized, I finally knew what that love was about. He fit! Instantly!!

I know that He always wanted to love me...His love was always there for me to take - I only needed to learn of it and accept it.

Compared to human love, His love is so much more - unconditional, never ending, long-suffering (important with me!!), perfect. Now I have to remember to not expect the people I love to provide that same type of love, and for me to try to mimic His love as much as possible to others....something I am still working on....or rather something He is working on me still...it's a life long process...but He's got time...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Merry Christmas

I've been really busy, and not busy enough. My heart has been breaking in unexpected places the past few months...friends passing away unexpectedly, illnesses attacking loved ones, me missing kids and grandkids, and not wanting to feel nostalgic for all the sadness around my heart right now. I feel tender and raw...vulnerable. I cry at the drop of a hat, even over silly things, like TALKING about not watching a movie that would make me cry...not even watching that movie. Just talking about it. Oh dear! I did want to touch base though as we approach Christmas...all the sadness is making me draw even nearer to Jesus, because He is my hope (and the hope of the world). I've enjoyed my time of Advent, singing in the choir at church, baking cookies for friends and neighbors. It helps me to shift gears emotionally and mentally when I can change it up a bit and do something new. And in God's goodness, He is allowing us to do something new for Christmas! I'll share the detai

New Stuff...

 Just a short note to remind you that I’m easing off of posting here, and posting MORE over at the new site, MarinaJBromley . Today I happened to have two posts go live (one on my blog, and one over at Balanced and Beautiful in Christ) on Forgiveness.  May you be blessed! M

Romans 12, Parts 2 and 3: Balanced and Beautiful in Christ

The new posts that I wrote for Balanced and Beautiful in Christ are now live on their Facebook page, and here on my new blog site (subscribe there so you don't miss a thing!). It's been a crazy few weeks (ok...are we going on several months now??) but I'm grateful that God had me write (and schedule) these several weeks ago. I pray that the words bless you and draw you closer to Himself.  Blessings, marina