Friday, December 14, 2007

Connect - ing

This is meant as something to resolve, not a gripe session.

Growing up in Seal Beach, well, no...let me rephrase a young Christian adult there...I had a circle of friends that were great. Mostly young women like myself, there was something we each brought to the table of friendship...honesty, kindness, compassion, grace, joy...I could go on and on! Several of us got together weekly for accountability, but the best times were when we would stay up late, bearing out hearts, or sharing our faults, and encourage each other to grow to be more like Jesus. There are a few of us left...scattered as we are...married, divorced, broken, hurt and restored. We are bound in great ways...both by the memories of who God started with and the ways He has changed us, as well as the hours spent in prayer for each other and the ways He chose to answer those prayers.

Now, what I'm going to share is not ONLY in the Christian faith...I've met women of no faith, denominations within the Christian faith, and other religions all together (Mormon, Hindu, etc) that are living with the same issue. I don't think it's only women that are having this problem, but I don't spend much time talking to men, so I don't always know what they are thinking (OK, I know THAT shocked you!). :)

We are lonely.

We go to church, volunteer, join community groups, help in our kids classrooms, talk in the grocery store to anyone who will listen, call new friends in hope of building relationships, reach out to those hurting and in need. Some of us work "real" jobs, some work at home, some stay at home to accommodate families.

All of us feel completely alone in a room full of people. Most of us know people, but long to know people deeper, real-er, in a more genuine way. We want to be completely honest, in a loving kind way. We want to be accepted, warts and all, and we want to love others, warts and all.

So why is it that we can't do this?? It's as if everyone is pointing at us, stating that we are weird, foreigners, that we don't belong. YET THERE ARE SO MANY OF US!! Slowly we run into each other...and we do connect...but slowly we are (as a society "we") forgetting how to connect. We are losing the ability to fellowship...share each other's to have fun together...

Somehow there must be an answer to all of this, and I KNOW that Jesus is in the midst of it all. Oh, to take it all to Him in prayer....

Friday, December 7, 2007

'Tis the season....

Well, that's what they say...over and over....the problem is, that I'm just not much in the mood for Christmas. At least not the commercial one.

Jessica and Joshua have been gone for almost a year now...the last time we put up lights, decorated the tree, sent out cards...they were here! THEY decorated the tree (if I remember correctly, I would have been fine without one then too...) and she kept me motivated to do cookies and fudge and all the other treats that they could get here and not take with them. Now they are "there" and I ship them things for her to make "traditional" foods to share. Who knew that butterscotch chips and dried cranberries would be hot commodities...??

Melissa, Ryan and Adaya are safely tucked into their NY place...only a few weeks and they'll head back to Pittsburgh, PA to do interview #2 and preaching in front of everyone. They should know that day if he's go the job. I just want God's will. I want them to get to stay in one place for several years and put down some roots. I want them to make friends, people of all ages, and to be joyful and GROW. Yes, I know that I'll miss them not being close by, but they could be an hour away and I'll still miss them....that just happens with me.

Jason has a girlfriend. She's from Brazil. I wonder where he'll end up. I don't worry about it, I just wonder. He has finals next week, and she will head back to Brazil for the break. It's going to be a long month...

I volunteered at the hospital this week...and went back today for their Christmas luncheon. Hmm...I wonder if it was really a "holiday" luncheon. No matter. I was the youngest woman there in the Auxiliary (no one told me that, it was just easy to tell) :) I enjoy meeting the ladies, and getting reaquainted with some of them. I love to hear some of the workers (adminsitration, pr, etc) exclaim "Marina's back!". I'm glad. I'm glad that they are glad. It feels good, and it's fun. I don't care that I'm 47 and everyone else is....well, I don't even want to guess how old they are...but I know that most of them have ALL gray hair as a natural color, and that Mr. Rooney is now 94. I heard several women say that they have recently had new babies in their family, and they were ALL GREAT GRANDMA's. I guess I am the youngest in the group. That's ok.

They say that we'll have ice this seems as if it's fact, and not a guess. The only guess is when it will happen...and that's always a question. Today I did shopping...milk, eggs, bread, name it. Not only did I buy in case we really do get an ice storm, I bought because Jason will be home in a week....IF we get really iced in, at least we'll have food to feed him for a day or two. :)

I don't know if I have a cold, or allergies. Ugh. My nose goes from sniffling to sneezing, and my eyes feel tired and the size of peas...always a bad sign. sigh. I took an allergy pill, and it must have worn off since I'm at it again. Perhaps some ibuprofen will work....that would be nice. That and some tea....ah, that will be nice. Mark should be home soon and we're supposed to go to Rogers, AR to do some shopping...finishing up the grocery shopping and to buy some Christmas Cards....AAGH....again. I want to make my own, but I don't have the enthusiasm to do it...why? I have great ideas, the right things to say, even colors to do them in...but no motivation. *sigh* I need to finish this quilt top (and then quilt it too) but I lack the motivation to do that also. OH, and tomorrow I'm supposed to get together with a friend who is craving Christmas....she wants to get in the mood for the season...

And all I want to do is hunker down...cuddle up...sleep in....perhaps quilt and watch an old movie (the only way I can sit long enough to quilt!!). I'll enjoy her company and go along for the ride. I'll celebrate the season with her because she is my friend...and it will be the only time we can get together for a while...

and that will be nice....

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

A new old activity...

I don't know what makes the it really just a matter of putting things on the calendar that makes me feel better? Whatever it is, I'm grateful to have the cloud of depression lifting...a few things that I'm sure have helped:
1. Prayer (I probably don't need to put down anything else, but I'm sure that some of you are I'll put the other practical things down too...) God is SO good.
2. Sunshine (and getting my face, no SPF, out in it!)
3. Volunteering (ok, you need to read more to get the whole picture on this one)
4. Sleeping well...quantity AND quality!

On the volunteering's not just about getting involved with a group that takes me out of my circumstances, to see that there are others in need, etc, but also the physical thing of getting dressed up, getting out of the house, and coming into contact with other people. It's about having things to look forward to, putting things on a calendar and planning, and being a part of a bigger thing.

So, today I went to the Cox Monett Auxiliary Luncheon! I was involved with them for about 3 years (about 5 years ago), and had remembered how nice it was there (how nice most of the people were too) and the fun things we did while there. I usually volunteered in the gift shop, and my old day was available, so I snagged that up. :) I'll also train to work in the other areas (Info desk, etc) and get involved in a few new things that are coming up....things like a patient lending library, and a POP Cart (Pampering Our Patients).

It felt good to be there again, and I saw many new faces...which is always great. I look forward to getting in the shop and wrapping gifts up for all the folks (and there are a LOT of cute things in there...of course!!) and making balloon bouquets for the patrons too. If you are in the area, stop in and make a big, tax free purchase!!

Jason's not arrived home yet, but he might be going straight to work when he gets in town...I sort of feel out of the loop on it...but I'm not worried. We'll take him to dinner tonight to celebrate his birthday, and I'm sure he'll just slip into the work/eat/sleep schedule like he never left....time will tell...

I'm going to get outside and practice some of that sunshine (as prescribed above) while I can...

Monday, November 19, 2007

It started 20 years ago ...

20 years ago, NOW, I was giving birth to Jason!! I can hardly believe that the time has flown by so quickly...

He was SO laid back, even from birth. He was a good baby, the BEST eater, and besides the bad bouts of ear infections, upper respiratory infections (now I think asthma too) and a major allergic drug reaction, he was pretty healthy for most of his young life. Gosh, it sounds like a lot to put it all on paper...but he was a rough and tumble boy.

He split my lip open on more than one occasion...Mark taught him to "head butt" and forgot to teach him not to do it to mom...LOL.

I don't think he ever had stitches, but broke his arm from getting thrown from a horse! He broke it again a few years later (the other one?? a different spot??) but I can't remember how. Probably during some sporting event...that would be par for his course.

Jason's been such a joy in life. I wanted a son SO badly, and I admit, I wanted him to be a "momma's boy" in every sense of the word. For the most part, he was, except when it came to sports, where he followed his dad's lead by being VERY athletic, and succeeding in EVERY sport he tried. He didn't get that from me!!

So, today he turns 20...and I am so proud of all he has accomplished in his life already...and so excited for all his life has to hold in the future!!
From GA to MO, deep Mexico to Kenya, may you always seek after God and the things that please Him...
Happy Birthday Jason!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

On Depression and Missing Loved Ones

It started in the bathtub...I had seen something the other day that just REALLY bugged me, and I remembered in the the tub last night....a church marquee that said "Too blessed to be depressed!". OOOOhhhhh.....they REALLY have NO CLUE what depression is about, do they?? Grrr...
So for all my depressed friends, Christian or otherwise, please forgive them...they really don't mean to be so...well...mean.
For all my Christian friends who are NOT depressed (blessed, or otherwise), please understand...depressed people do not feel that they are not's so much different than that. They/I/we (yes, I've had my share of seasons in severe depression...) KNOW that there are so many things to be thankful for, that we ARE blessed, that we are LOVED, that we matter to God. The problem is, in our minds, it makes no difference at all.
At times, it's like a wet blanket that covers us, and we can not get it off of us, no matter how hard we try. Everything is slower, in slow motion, with this gloom that just hangs over us. Sometimes it's that WE don't care, and WE can't help it. Sometimes it's like being submerged in water...drowning....we can see it's daylight out...a BRIGHT sunny day!! We know we have that last breath of air in our lungs, fresh clean air. However, knowing that, and being able to take a breath of the air out there, is two different things....we can't get through the water for the air. That's how this week has been for me.
I could make a list a mile long for all the things I'm thankful for. Things as simple as a good home, healthy family, clean drinking water and indoor plumbing! However the things that loom in my mind get the best of me...and there's not enough room to write all those things down, and I refuse to go there besides in prayer...but none the's a season of depression for me.

I think I knew it would be hard this winter, but I had no idea it would be THIS hard. Missing Jessica is crazy. I'm worried (no, concerned, as I know there's nothing I can do for them) about my other kiddos, and then the normal depleted sunlight and colder weather just make me normally want to hunker down with some good, white dough carbs and call it a siesta...hibernation is here. *sigh*

Oh, don't worry, I don't have the guts (literally or figuratively) to call it quits...but it has occurred to me that this is WAY too much pain to be feeling for the normal happy person. Tears come too easy....about everything. ABOUT ANYTHING. And I'm in a constant discussion with God, so I can't draw any closer to Him...He's here, with me, walking me through this muck and mire. I can rest in His arms and hear His heart beating....I'm clinging to him so much lately.

So don't go throwing some "too blessed to be depressed" crud at just have NO idea. you are completely clueless. get some compassion...or empathy...or drugs...whatever you need to get educated on what depression is really like. period.

On other topics...oh, I LOVE the new word I learned from the Dec. Reader's Digest Word Power: "bobo n - A: online posting error. B: bourgeois bohemian. C: devoted friend. (turn page) bobo - [B] Person who espouses bohemian values while living a bourgeois lifestyle. The road was lined with the luxury cars of bobos buying organic produce." HA!! I know a few of these!! I'm RELATED to a few too!!

On missing Jessica...after taking care of Kelsey for a few days (well, overnight and a day), I missed Jessica a different way. I really miss Jess. I miss her 2 ways (at least) often. One way is that I miss my friend...the one who would sit and craft with me, listen and share opinions, encouragement, laughs...really connect with me. The one I missed more this week is "Jessica the child" that I will never get back...the fact that she grew up. I think that's the normal "empty nesting" of missing a child...I miss her not cuddling up on the couch with me; needing me to "rub her arm, her back, her face" to fall asleep; the wonder of her imagination and curiosity....THAT Jessica will not ever be back. *sigh* What the heck do I do with that?? Get a puppy again (GASP, NO, I did NOT just say that).

The adult Jessica I miss would be pulling the decorations out of the boxes right now, insisting on decorating (i.e.: it's what she did LAST year when I was too depressed to care about decorating). She'd have the recipe box torn apart, with a list of all the cookies we'll bake this year (with a few new one's I'm sure). She'd have the weather reports scouted daily looking for snow (well, she may be doing that at home, although I know she got a bit of sun the other day as she sat outside during the sports day competitions there). She'd cry with me when I cry, get out White Christmas to watch with me on a quiet morning, talk about watching Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, and any other old movie from her childhood. She'd coax me out for a walk. Hug me. Hug me again. Dry my tears. Pray for me. WITH me. *sigh*

It's clearly time for another bath and a nap...

Monday, October 8, 2007

Life and Death and Seasons of Change

No matter how distracted I get with my life, this is ALWAYS one of the toughest weeks in my year....the week leading up to my birthday.

I'm already missing the normal effects of sunlight...our days are so much shorter, and it's happened so quickly! It seems to happen faster and faster each year. *sigh*

Then it's a week full of anniversary's...not good wedding ones, but sad "missing people who have died" ones. My mom, Frances Derderian Peters, died when I was almost 13. Then, just a few years ago, one of the girls that worked at the library with me, Amanda, died in a car accident on her way back to Cassville after the football game in a neighboring town. She was just 17, full of life. It was as if one of my own children had died...we were that close.

Now, this very evening, we got a call from Mark's mom, that her mother, Mark's "Nana" has died. She turned 100 last month, a life full of love and memories and joy. But's sad to think that we won't see her in a few weeks...that we won't get that 5 generation photo when Melissa's baby arrives in a few weeks.

Still I'm grateful that we got to see her last spring, when we were out there. We had a great visit, and she was so much fun, with Mark and his brother Tom there together.

Someday I will see this week as the week leading up to my birthday, leading up to Melissa's baby's birthday, and not miss all those that have gone before me...but not now...not this year. It's still a sad time for me...just reflective of what God is doing in nature...

I'm grateful that my hope is in the fact that "joy comes in the morning" as surely it will arrive. And if not in the morning, in the spring...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Instant Gratification

I love to paint....I love to watercolor, but NEVER do it, even though I have all the supplies to. My favorite painting is WALLS!! ROOMS!! I'm sure the guys at Lowe's think I'm crazy. I know my husband KNOWS I am!! (he HATES to paint, but likes the results...usually).

The need to create and change amazes me. That's what I love about most of my hobbies and interests...INSTANT GRATIFICATION. Preparing to paint is cleaning house. Yes, it's an immediate change, but it's temporary. Any mom knows how quickly the room that took you all day to get picked up can again be destroyed. But painting a wall, or an entire room STAYS painted!! Even all of a college kids' clutter for a weekend break will not ruin that!

So, today I paint. The Marina Way. I'll take an area at a time...pick up and put away the clutter, move the furniture, paint the wall. Take a little break, and do it again. I'm hoping to schedule the heaviest stuff to hit RIGHT as Mark comes home for lunch. I know he'll do that gladly, as long as I don't put a brush in his hand.

I've got Sirius Spirit on the satellite (at least until the storms roll in this afternoon) and I'm ready to will be a good day of worship and wonder. Worship will come along with the painting....and WONDER will come with the thought of why can't I change as quickly (and as permanently) as the walls in this room?? That will be my prayer for allow God to change this in me...and that the changes on my inside will be as visible on my outside by my actions and re-actions. Change me. I want instant gratification for my Heavenly Father as He works on ME.

Monday, October 1, 2007

What I Wish Church Could Be

For a long time we went to a church here that didn’t reach out in community at all. I was suffering physically, and no one listened to my cries for help, no one offered to help at all. It wasn’t until after surgery (after hemorrhaging for 40 days one summer) that the entire women’s group of maybe 30 women offered to bring dinner one night…AFTER I was back home from surgery. All I could think of was “too little, too late”. My family could have used help all summer long, but no one took time to get to know there was a need, or they ignored us all together.

Then for a few years I went to a church that was great about reaching out when there was a need…but not when there was NO need. I guess I learned that in TRUE community we are supposed to reach out all the time. Keep reaching out. You don’t have to be lying on the side of the road to have a need. So many are hurting on the inside, are lonely, are recovering, or are just beginning to suffer.

I want to reach out, constantly. Not in a busy-body way, but in a way that others know that I am here for them. I am not the Savior, but in my wanting to be “the hands and feet of Jesus” in community, I can point others to Him. Not to “church” but to Jesus. I think that’s often how we lose focus…we get so wrapped up in the numbers game of bringing people to church, or pointing them to church, or selling them on church, that we forget to show them Jesus.

When Jesus isn’t living in the church, it’s easy to lose site of the reason you are there. When you keep bringing Him in, and others keep pushing Him out and making it about “the church” and “the numbers” then I get weary. They are good people. Some of them are very committed to Jesus and love Him very much and do a lot for the body of Christ, but they don’t get the BIGGER PICTURE…. The part about loving our enemies, or even liking the people in the church next door, or feeding the ones that vote differently than you, or the ones that despise the fact that we worship Jesus at all. I’d rather do all the right things in community, and not go to church, than to go to church and only do the right things there.

I want people to love me NOT because I can cook for youth, or finance a program, or arrange meals for a widow, or house a youth. I want them to love me because I love Jesus. PERIOD. Reach out to those that are healthy, not just sick. Do things when it’s NOT expected. Reach beyond the walls of the church. Be a movement, not a building, not a denomination, not a program. BE.

Monday, September 24, 2007


The Autumn Equinox took place the other morning, with little to-do about it. The weather has been flip-flopping between "still summer" and "brrr...". Although the water in the pool is too cold to go in to swim, it's frequently nice to sit outside by it and enjoy the warm sun (now almost always accompanied by a breeze).
True to my history, I'm ready to bake! Today I rearranged the kitchen cupboards, moving things from one side of my kitchen to another, wiping down the shelves, rearranging the pantry to be mostly for baking supplies (out of sight, out of mind?) and bringing the items into the kitchen that we use more often (canned vegetables, soups, etc).
I even moved the plates and bowls from a bottom shelf to the pull out drawer that's under the silverware drawer! A bold move I know, and Mark will have a hard time getting used to it, but it will save my back and shoulders when I'm unloading the dishwasher. I saw it in a BH&G magazine that was featuring ideas on getting organized.
Tis the season!! Tomorrow I'm picking up the paint (taupe) to do some odd painting around the house, a wall here (my office area) and there (one bathroom wall, and one wall in the living room!), and perhaps I'll finish out the week with getting the rest of the WHITE white painted around the house...I thought I was out of that paint until Mark found a gallon of it out in the shed. It should be enough to get the rest of the living room painted, with the one taupe/brown wall too. Hmmm...maybe two walls should be that color??
Mark and I rarely agree on tv to watch...if it's on at all. He's happy to watch anything, but prefers to watch adventure/war/action movies, sports, anything else. IF I have the tv on (and I'm content to keep it off!) I like to comedy, romantic comedy, then go to the documentary non-fiction stuff that I like to read...even cooking shows and decorating and renovation programs. That's where we have gotten together...shows like "Flip this House" and the like where there are drastic changes made within the hour long show (or just 1/2 hour remodeling shows). I think that it's helping us to see that there is a lot we can do to this house, without doing a LOT to it!!
It will be nice to have things settled in for the winter months. New paint completed, the plants and fountains moved in (hmmm...both running in the house? or just for decor??). Just to get the plants in will be great!
Then there's that nagging issue of BAKING. I love to bake (almost as much as I love to eat!!). I have a bunch and a half of just turning brown I was cleaning down in the kitchen I kept smelling their ripeness...and thinking "mmmm...banana bread...with LOTS of walnuts and cinnamon....mmmm". I think that will have to be the top item "to do" on my list.
I can smell it already....

Thursday, September 13, 2007

A good sense of humor...

I think that God has a sense of humor...
I see that He sometime leads people to believe that their baby is one sex during pregnancy, then it ends up being the other...
I know that He sees us through the difficult choices we make (or situations we bring upon ourselves) and wonders "what was SHE THINKING?"
He gave ME, the total non-competitive non-athletic person; a husband that loves sports and a son who plays them all!

I'm amazed that I survived Jason's high school years (which was almost as bad as the several years that we had 3 kids in sports all at the same time but on different teams). I don't know what Mark was thinking to sign up to play softball now....although it IS funny to watch the team playing...I'm sure it wasn't my sense of humor that encouraged him to do it.

I'm grateful each Thursday night he plays, that he is able to walk off the field....a little bruised and battered, and sore the next day....but he's walking!

At least they guys ON the field were laughing as hard as we were in the stands...

Thanks God, for sharing your sense of humor with us....

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I guess I'm still "deceased"...

...well, at least according to the rest of the graduating class of '77 from NHS.'s frustrating sometimes, and other times it means nothing to me at all...but at the 20 year reunion someone listed me (in error...a joke??) as deceased. I supposedly died in a bar fight, which if you knew me in high school (well, if you THOUGHT you knew me) would make sense. If you REALLY knew me you'd realized how screwed up I was because of my circumstances. I'm not trying to blame anyone, but truth is, girls that go through a lot of the things I went through generally will make the same decisions that I did, and end up the way I was. That's why it's easy for one of "us" to pick "us" out of a crowd.

Well, by the time the reports of my demise were disclosed, I had been all cleaned up (by the grace of God and a lot of environmental changes). No longer the life of "sex, drugs, rock and roll" that I lived in the late 70's and early 80' life has been pretty boring in comparison now (to most Californian's).

So, when I contacted the folks (SURPRISE!!) that organized this reunion (our 30th) I thought that a retraction of some sort was going to be least remove me from the deceased list!! But, no, I've just found out that I'm still listed there....*sigh*

I suppose it's not that big a a lot of ways that person IS dead...I'm not much like that anymore (although "once an addict always an addict..."), and more than boring my life is REALLY relaxing....with bursts of change thrown in there for excitement. I figure I'm living life now through my kids, and in the next few years things will get really exciting...with a grandbaby due in NY, kids studying overseas, traveling to catch up with them wherever they end up.

But, hey....could they at least acknowledge that I'm alive??

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

If I wrote a book...

I THINK I will write a book getting it published would be another matter all together...but writing it would be possible...perhaps.

I used to often wonder if other writers are constantly writing things in their head when they can't sleep. I can't tell you how many books I've written in the wee hours of the morning, thoughts (all wonderful, of course!) running through my mind; creative and witty first lines to lead to great works of non-fiction.

Perhaps I'll be one of those undiscovered authors; only to be published long after my demise...someone will search the blog world over to find my pages left unmanned, unpenned, in cyberspace.

Perhaps I'll just go on dreaming of writing a book...or rather...writing my book in my lack of dreams....

sleepless nights...

I'm up again, not able to sleep. Actually, that's not completely true NOW...I went to bed early, and couldn't get to sleep. I finally got up around 10:30, and sat here playing scrabble, catching up on email, looking at photos and reading articles on the emergent/emerging church. NOW my eyes are finally getting tired...and my fingers too (although I'm hoping I am catching all the typing errors!).

My daughter started school today, and it reminded me of my there was always something different about the FIRST day of school...there was a different smell in the air, a different the dew was heavy on the grass or something. I'm hoping it went well for her...

There is an owl outside in the tree up "whoooo whooo's" as if it's calling for someone to answer. Thankfully, Zoe (our outside dog) must be used to it, as she is not answering. I am grateful.

Well, the typos are winning....I am able to sleep (and need to).

Sweetie pie dreams....

Monday, September 3, 2007

The Empty House

Every now and again I hate the fact that we live in a larger house...don't get me wrong, it's not HUGE...but we had all 5 of us (Mark, the kids and I) with Mark's sister Sandra, living in a really small house (800 sq. ft?) with just one bathroom....and the last house we were in wasn't that much larger...and then we started sending the girls off to college...and now we live in the largest of the homes and only have Mark and I at home. *sigh*

So when we have had our kids home for short stays, it's been great...there's two main master suite areas, so there's lots of privacy. Recently Melissa was with us for a bit, and then her hubby Ryan for their vacation. Today they went over to his folks house for the rest of their vacation time here...and again, the house is empty. Quiet.

I can go downstairs (my "living area" is upstairs on one side of the house), and the house is quiet. No one watching tv. No lights on. No meals to plan. No events on my calendar.

It would be easy for me to stress about this...I like having people in the house, cooking for them, serving them and still letting them make the space their's to live in as they wish. For now though, it's transition time. Things have been happening so quickly the last several months that I feel like we've not even caught up to where we are supposed to be...perpetual motion. Constantly on the move.

So it's the end of summer...the pool needs to be closed soon...not that it's cold out, but as the daylight decreases the water cools off...and soon it will be too cool to go into. In mid-Oct. I'll be going to NY to see Melissa and Ryan (and greet that baby that will come!!), so it would be good to get the pool covered and the area winterized before I leave (although I'm sure Mark would and could do it on his own).

My back's been wretched this week...riding in a car really sets it off...and I'm not sure if it's a pinched nerve, being out of alignment or a disc issue...degeneration or whatever. All I know is that the exercises and stretches from the chiropractor help...and ibuprofen does too...and I just want to be able to go and do what I want - when I want - and that is not happening yet. sigh

So this week I'll sit, and sew on the baby's quilt, and enjoy the last of the summer's sunshine glistening on the water. I'll maybe even get out on the treadmill and walk...something that it's finally getting cool enough to do (at least in the morning). I may try to shampoo the carpets downstairs (something overdue on the "to do list"). I'll pray through this empty house, pray for the kids that have lived here, my own and those that have visited. I'll remember the pool parties of days gone by. I'll pray for this soon to be here baby, that it's entrance into the world will be as hoped surprises...and for Melissa an easy delivery...and that it won't be too long before we're all together again....either in NY or here.

I know, from experience, that soon enough the snow will come down, the icicles will hang from the eaves, the kitchen will be warm with fresh cinnamon rolls from the oven, and there will be *new* friends sitting at the kitchen counter, playing games at the table, rooting for favorite sports teams as they watch games on tv.

But for's just quiet...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Getting Started

Well, won't this be fun!

I feel like I'm on the starting line for a new season in life....the GET TO BE A GRANDMA phase! So much of life at home is in transition...well, it feels that way, although nothing is really changing here.

I'm still at home. Still spend my days playing on the computer with digital photos and digi-scrapbooking now...writing when inspired...keeping up with friends and family all over the world.
Mark still works his tail off...and I love being able to be home with him...having lunch ready for him when he hits the door...even if I'm still in my pj's sitting at the computer...LOL.

So, if so much is the same, why am I feeling so much change going on??

Well, seasons...leaving another summer behind is always more pool time, no more swim time...sigh...BUT, fall is around the corner, and I'm hoping that Mark and I can start taking walks back out at Roaring River in the afternoons. And with the cool air of winter, I'll fire up the oven and start doing more baking...that's always great!!

Of course, the sad part of this time of year is missing my mom...the anniversary of her death, me turning another year older, thinking's a Memorial Day of sorts. With the grandbaby arriving this fall, perhaps it will be the last one clouded in sadness, and forever more it will be a time of GREAT JOY!!

I can have hope!!

Counting 1000 Gifts 2020 Continues...

Many of you know that I've been counting 1000 Gifts from God over the past several years, and this year I've been doing it more publ...